Help, I have cabin fever!
Today, I am my Oncologist office. They are taking precautions to fight the spread of the Coronavirus. At the door everyone has their temperature taken. We also were asked the pertinent questions about our health, travels, exposure on cruises etc. No one at risk of exposure to the deadly disease are entering the Oncologist office today. Cancer patients are an at risk group. Their immune system is comprised. Everyone that works at the office is wearing masks and gloves. The waiting area and chemo room, blood room all patients sit at least six feet away from each other. Everything is sterilized after each patient. They are doing a fantastic job of keeping us as safe as possible. I heard on this morning NPR that the best way to protect ourselves from the spread of the virus is to be kind to one another. Kindness and respect, following the rules set by the CDC to protect ourselves and others. ☮️
I have just finished four chemotherapy procedures. Now, every three weeks I look forward to a Keytruda drip. The Chemotherapy side effects were brutal for me. Nausea, no appetite, aches and pains, mouth soars, exhaustion, emotional distress and bottom of the feet blistered. A whole lot of no fun. The good news my doctor assured me is the Keytruda drip has no side effects. A fate as yet to be seen. Yesterday I had a PET scan, and will find out the test results on Thursday. PET scans can detect cancer at the molecular level. I will find out if the cancer treatments are fighting to KILL the cancer cells infecting my body. I am waiting patiently for the test results, home bound in fear of catching the coronavirus.
Kindness is an extension of inner beauty. Even when you feel sick and down in the dumps does not mean you cannot give yourself a little kindness. The definition of Kindness: The quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.
Kindness helps a person heal. Positive thoughts and action comes back to the giver. Following as an effect from cause and action. In Buddhism and Hinduism it is called Karma. I say what you give is what you receive.
When your life is nothing but doctors visits What do you say when asked “How are you?” It is easy to give a dissertation about your medical problems. I use the old “Fine, thank you.” With a smile on my face. I feel better. The last thing I want is pity. Pity helps no one, it only causes the receiver to feel sorry for themselves. How will the body fight demon cancer cells feeling like that?
God is all around us, and inside all of us. God is leading us, talking to us, and listening to us. Only each of us can see the miracles God give us if we are open to listening to God. God is kindness. Trust his love, and give God all your problems. Have faith he will answer your prayers because if you do not ask how can he know.
1) Write down all the personal truths of life. For example, I am an animal lover, love to eat, swim, dance… etcetera. Cancer patients are more than their disease. Carry the list with you, and when you feel blue , or sick and tired. Take the list out and read it. Be kind to yourself.
2) Write down all the lies people have told you about yourself. Mean attributes to make you feel bad about yourself. For example, stupid, a trouble maker, a liar. Give the list to God than burn it or tear the list up or bury the list. Think about how you felt when someone was mean and hurt your feelings, and do the opposite to others. Be kind to others. Gather a strong safety net of friends to help you get through cancer.
In January 2020, I will have been fighting cancer for four years. Unbelievable. I never wanted to go through the process of traditional chemotherapy. Yet life means more to me than pain.
I eat I breath, and I like to be prepared. Now, I am joining the chemotherapy army. The Oncologist staff have stratagies to help kill cancer cells ,and it takes place in the chemo room. I have had my medicine port cleaned out in the chemo room. Now, I will be a participant this week, A Private with dreams of success, and fears of the effects the medicine has on my body. I have been looking at the chemo room hoping I will not have to sit there and have medicines inserted into my veins to fight my disease. Wish me luck , and pray the treatments will kill the bloody cancers trying to kill me. I call these cells demons. I will not give up.
The time has come for the medical industry to change my cancer treatment plan. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2016. It has been an interesting ride, and I am scared now that I have exhausted Radiation and Tarceva and Targresso cancer pills. I thank all the doctors , nurses and medical staff for treating me with kindness and respect. I also send my gratitude to Big Pharma for keeping me alive relatively pain free.
My spine is disintegrating one vertebrae at a time. I just finished a long round of Lumbar punctures. The doctor removes spinal fluid than replaces it with chemotherapy medicine. After he sticks a needle directly in my spine. My mind fears the procedure more than the procedure. The pain consists of a prick and when the needle is pushed.. inserted into the skin it feels as if a weight has been placed on you, and its heavy. Then when the needle enters the fluid of the spine one of your legs goes numb just for a second. Cool. The rest of the procedure is a piece of cake
I will know my fate in a few day’s. To keep fighting cancer is my job. This Lady is going no where. God Willing. PEACE
Living life with a life threatening disease feels like your engaged in a battle. In my minds eye I can see the enemy. The enemy are round cells that group together like dead grapes. Before I receive the test result with the bad news. I never think about the cells in my body. Never, and than I go about my business.
Lets name the strategies to win the battle necessary to beat the cancer cells into oblivion. Nuke them with RADIATION, remove them with SURGERY, just take a PILL or poison them with CHEMOTHERAPY. To name the most common medical procedures.
My personal favorite way to kill the enemy is PRAYER. Always, and then I go about my business.
It has been a bittersweet week. The best news is the birth of Luke and Willow. Hurray. The bad news is Bob had surgery to remove Cancerous lymph nodes in his face. Janet was hospitalized with PNEUMONIA. Bubba a kind and sweet soul passed away from a massive heart attack. I mourn his loss from the bottom of my heart.
Change happens every day, the consequences we label bad or we label good. After all the bad that happened this week I find it hard to digest bad news I received from my MRI result? I am praying for my friends and family. I guess adding myself to the prayer list is my only recourse because tears do not CHANGE anything.
What I crave is for people to not to feel sorry for me. I feel this way because the cancer has fractured my spine as well as my psyce. All I want is to keep living with goals and dreams. I love life, and I love my family. I am lucky to have friends that help me with everday tasks. Sometimes life is a double edged sword. PEACE
Several months ago we lost the patriarch of our family. He was a successful man who worked hard and achieved the American dream. He had a dry sense of humor, and a was a role model to all that knew him. He was my fathers oldest brother, and we loved him very much. I pray my uncle and my father meet in heaven. Along with all my families lost souls.
I am not including real names. Privacy?
Yesterday, my family from out of town, got together to celebrate my uncles life. He passed away after suffering with health problems for years. It was a fantastic event. Afterwards, I knew I would like to spend more time with everyone there. I am praying the next event will be a wedding.