In January 2020, I will have been fighting cancer for four years. Unbelievable. I never wanted to go through the process of traditional chemotherapy. Yet life means more to me than pain.
I eat I breath, and I like to be prepared. Now, I am joining the chemotherapy army. The Oncologist staff have stratagies to help kill cancer cells ,and it takes place in the chemo room. I have had my medicine port cleaned out in the chemo room. Now, I will be a participant this week, A Private with dreams of success, and fears of the effects the medicine has on my body. I have been looking at the chemo room hoping I will not have to sit there and have medicines inserted into my veins to fight my disease. Wish me luck , and pray the treatments will kill the bloody cancers trying to kill me. I call these cells demons. I will not give up.
Radiation side effects are different for most people. For me, the last round of 4 cyberKnife and 10 regular zaps of radiation has been difficult to swing back to normal. I am exhausted and when I stand up an acute sense of Vertigo overcomes me. So, I lye in my bed and rest. After a couple of hours I either fall asleep or try and stand up. What I realize is nerves may be the culprite Nerve pain is not easy to explain. Nerve pain feels like electrical currents that make twitchs and bodily movements on their own. So I rest, and pray the nerves will calm down, and all will return to normal soon.
My way to cope. I have two canes sitting by my bed, and on reserve a wheelchair. The wheelchair and my husbands band has been my entertainment. I sit in my wheelchair and practice wheeling on my deck. It’s fun, and will be useful when I need it. When the band comes over I get to listen to great music. Life is interesting. It is all about how you handle it, and having positive people surrounding you. PEACE
Cyberknife, sounds sci-fy, and lying under the robotic machine I felt like a Transformer was working on me. I needed four cyberknife treatments. I named it The Hand. The arms of the Hand helped pinpoint the cancer cells without zapping areas that did not need radiation for various reasons. I also needed traditional radiation in my hip. Ten treatments. I decided to have both treatments at the same time, because I hate cancer cells in my body. Also, summar has arrived and I want to be pain free. Caner hurts.
Side Effects: Fatigue, loss of appetite, vertigo, passing out.
I have 12 day’s to get ready for my procedure. As I stated in yesterdays post, the last biopsey I had, my blood pressure dropped which made it neccissary to turn off the anestisia. I have been trying to figure out what I did wrong to make my bloopressure drop during the biopsy? In my google research (am I crazy?) I determined, (I am not a doctor.) The anestisia reacted to the medications I was taking? (possible reason) So, I am still taking the exact medications. What can I do other than follow my Doctors instructons?
I decided to juice vegetables and fruits and drink 8 glasses of water day to try and rid my body of built up toxins due to my daily drug regimine. I trust my Oncologist with my life, but his practice does not think that cancer and diet are corolated other than to keep weight on the patient…meat on the bones. I am not on a crazy weight loss diet. I am adding healthy foods into my system, and I feel good. I am also consuming fiber, lean organic protein and green tea.
I feel like I am being pro-active in my fight against the enemy, over active cancer cells. Even if my detox diet has no effect on the next biopsy, maybe I have found a healtier way to eat.
Two months ago I underwent ten radiation treatments . The radiation blasts were located on my L-1 vertebrae. Which, if you look at the radiations trajectory my stomach and liver were radiated along with then L-1 vertebrae.
I felt tired and nauseous, and I got nothing done except sleep and watch movies. I know it is important to write consistently, but when you have cancer and undergo poisonous treatments you have to let go of the feelings of being un-productive. Watch them fly away. Let your body heal. Step away! It sounds easy, but it is not.
While I lied in bed with my tablet and a new Word document staring me in the eyes. I began to write, but what I quickly noticed, my words were dark . In the sense I needed a person of the cloth to help me rise above the vampires and zombies that were eating my brains.
I decided not to write when I am sick. When my mind is in a fog. I learned that when my body is fighting cancer my words are brutal… overcast with a tint of hatred. I prefer to pen expressions that are sharp, crisp and insightful of the human experience. Not some made up menagerie of bad dreams due to chemical reactions from drugs messing with my brain.
The good news is I am back from the fog, and excited about the future. PEACE
Empathy means the ability to understand the feelings of others.
Every time a medical procedure is scheduled I become anxious and I feel sad. In order not to let these crazy emotions run my life I turn to my husband, and my Mother. They are my rocks. Everyone should pick a person or person’s to be their emergency contact.
My Father was included in the small circle of the Family members I could depend on, but he passed away last December from pancreatic cancer. Although, he is not here in the flesh he is with me in spirit. I can hear his voice in my mind, and his scent remains on a hat that I inherited. Yet the reality is sad, his passing made it necessary to remove him from my medical legal documents.
Decisions concerning life and death may be the most important decisions of our lives. These matters are easier to make when you have people you trust help guide you. Pre-Planning before a medical emergency can save families time, money and ensure a persons medical wishes are adhered to. Yet, estate planning documents are the paper trail of life, and when changes are made old documents should be shredded. Does not take away the important parts of life…why we want to stay…not for the distribution of assets…for the ones we love.
Life is complicated, and we are not our social security number. We are human, life is not a game., and having an illness and everything that goes with it is a full-time job. Surrounding ourselves with our family and friends makes living through uncomfortable situations bearable. Like a kiss on the cheek from a loved one before an MRI or a brush on the hand while being wheeled back to the examination room.
How would you feel, and what would make you happy if the tables were turned?
Stage 4 Living Life to the Fullest With Terminal Cancer
Pain is subjective. Everyone has their own pain threshold. The medical community gauges a patient’s pain level between one through ten. One being the least to ten the worst amount of pain.
If you have never experienced chronic pain, it is hard to comprehend how it feels? I experienced sleepless nights where finding a comfortable position was impossible., simple acts we take for granted like walking…breathing…become arduous tasks. Chronic pain is no joke?
What happens before you are a “patient” In “chronic pain?” Living without access to prescription pain medications. It isn’t pretty! Living becomes and exercise in control. Trying anything “legal” to help make it through the seconds, minutes and hours of the day. In a nut shell “Getting through the day becomes a frantic search for help?” Unfortunately, in most cases it takes Doctors time and a lot of testing to find out what is wrong, and put a label on the cause of the pain? So that medication can be prescribed. For me it took four long months to be diagnosed with lung cancer.
I will never forget what I call the “c-battle.” Living with active cancer cells wreaking havoc in my body. Causing destruction and irrevocable damage to my body, and without treatment the awful cancer cells grew strong and metastases down the vertebrae of my neck and spine. Fracturing seven vertebrae, and killing nerves along its path of destruction. All the while I begged my primary care physician for an MRI, and was told “your insurance will not cover it.”
So, I have put together a list of do’s and don’ts from mistakes I made, and helpful tips on how to navigate the quagmire of red tape patients face within the medical industry.
I am writing this book to help me come to grips with my disease…as well as giving others who face a similar fate…who struggle like me everyday… inspiration on how to live life to the fullest with cancer.