It has been five days in the Princess Ann Sentara Hospital. The kind staff have poked and tested me, and today I got the diagnosis.
I have Cancer. My cancer is located in my cervical and lumbar vertebrae. Tomorrow I will have a lumbar puncture with a Methatrexate inserted into the spine. It is a drug that has many uses. For me, Methatrexate is used as a chemo drug for the type of small cell cancer cells attacking my cells.
I have been fighting this disease since 2016. I am not surprised just dissapointed. The procedures I will have makes me sick but keeps me alive. That is all I want. To be here to experience love I have for the experiences I have yet to come. This new diagnostics is not a death sentance just a full time job.
#1: Real or Fake? I have written a political manifesto. It came on me slowly. What is real or fake news? I feel helpless, and no matter what I do I am not being able to control anything? I am having a crisis of conscience. I have had to seclude myself from the news. So that I can clean my thoughts of fear, and anger that is bigger the me.
#2: My Oncologist is doing a great job keeping me alive. I have two weeks per month where I feel strong. I have not felt this way in many years. Then the symptoms have returned, cancer or side effects? What happens to me; my lumbr vertebrae two goes numb with a feeling of pins and needles down to my knees. Emergency, I look for a landing pad becase after the nerve pain down my lower limbs My lower legs turn into rubber, and I crash. Holy Cow!
#:3 Change: No one likes change. Change is inevitable, to keep my sanity I will turn off the news, and pray everyone gets along. Also, I will prepare a bag in case I have to go to the hospital, pull my self togeather and stop blubbering about other people problems. Than I will pull all my energy and maefest it in my my novel “The Cat’s Lair.”
I feel like life is taking me on a rollercoaster ride. I will smile and enjoy the journey.
In January 2020, I will have been fighting cancer for four years. Unbelievable. I never wanted to go through the process of traditional chemotherapy. Yet life means more to me than pain.
I eat I breath, and I like to be prepared. Now, I am joining the chemotherapy army. The Oncologist staff have stratagies to help kill cancer cells ,and it takes place in the chemo room. I have had my medicine port cleaned out in the chemo room. Now, I will be a participant this week, A Private with dreams of success, and fears of the effects the medicine has on my body. I have been looking at the chemo room hoping I will not have to sit there and have medicines inserted into my veins to fight my disease. Wish me luck , and pray the treatments will kill the bloody cancers trying to kill me. I call these cells demons. I will not give up.
What I crave is for people to not to feel sorry for me. I feel this way because the cancer has fractured my spine as well as my psyce. All I want is to keep living with goals and dreams. I love life, and I love my family. I am lucky to have friends that help me with everday tasks. Sometimes life is a double edged sword. PEACE
I FEEL LUCKY! I AM STARTING THE SUMMER SEASON IN DUCK N.C. THANKS TO MY AUNT MARGARET. TIMES ARE MELENCOLY DUE TO THE MASS SHOOTING OF 12 VIBRANT SOULS IN VIRGINA BEACH. MAY ANGELS TAKE THEIR SOULS DIRECTLY TO GOD, AND I PRAY NO ONE SUFFERED. I FELT LIKE CAPS TODAY. OH, WELL LIFE IS TO SHORT AND CAN BE TAKEN WHEN LEAST EXPECTED. PEACE MARY
Stage 4 Living Life to the Fullest With Terminal Cancer
Pain is subjective. Everyone has their own pain threshold. The medical community gauges a patient’s pain level between one through ten. One being the least to ten the worst amount of pain.
If you have never experienced chronic pain, it is hard to comprehend how it feels? I experienced sleepless nights where finding a comfortable position was impossible., simple acts we take for granted like walking…breathing…become arduous tasks. Chronic pain is no joke?
What happens before you are a “patient” In “chronic pain?” Living without access to prescription pain medications. It isn’t pretty! Living becomes and exercise in control. Trying anything “legal” to help make it through the seconds, minutes and hours of the day. In a nut shell “Getting through the day becomes a frantic search for help?” Unfortunately, in most cases it takes Doctors time and a lot of testing to find out what is wrong, and put a label on the cause of the pain? So that medication can be prescribed. For me it took four long months to be diagnosed with lung cancer.
I will never forget what I call the “c-battle.” Living with active cancer cells wreaking havoc in my body. Causing destruction and irrevocable damage to my body, and without treatment the awful cancer cells grew strong and metastases down the vertebrae of my neck and spine. Fracturing seven vertebrae, and killing nerves along its path of destruction. All the while I begged my primary care physician for an MRI, and was told “your insurance will not cover it.”
So, I have put together a list of do’s and don’ts from mistakes I made, and helpful tips on how to navigate the quagmire of red tape patients face within the medical industry.
I am writing this book to help me come to grips with my disease…as well as giving others who face a similar fate…who struggle like me everyday… inspiration on how to live life to the fullest with cancer.
It has been a long time since my last post. I have been fighting battles, which has left me spent and unable to express myself. The last two weeks especially. I have been receiving radiation treatments and last Wednesday a bone biopsy. I hope to be back in full swing soon. Peace!
I adore my grandson. His name is Hudson. Lately, I have had problems walking, sitting and lying down. My back, since I was diagnosed with bone cancer, attacked and fractured seven vertebrae. My life as I knew it is now long gone. I need help getting out of bed, standing up from a chair. So, taking care of Hudson alone is hard. He is an active 4 year old. Luckey, he is smart and follows directions. Our time together makes my day. I spoil him as much as I can. Without Hudson, There would be a hole in my heart. He gives me purpose, and without purpose what do you have? Nothing.
I have endured tragedy and bouts of medical testing…radiation…daily chemotherapy. My writers voice and one finger typing, in hibernation. All my energy going in different directions. Now, I once again feel like myself, thank you Jesus, I write.