In January 2020, I will have been fighting cancer for four years. Unbelievable. I never wanted to go through the process of traditional chemotherapy. Yet life means more to me than pain.
I eat I breath, and I like to be prepared. Now, I am joining the chemotherapy army. The Oncologist staff have stratagies to help kill cancer cells ,and it takes place in the chemo room. I have had my medicine port cleaned out in the chemo room. Now, I will be a participant this week, A Private with dreams of success, and fears of the effects the medicine has on my body. I have been looking at the chemo room hoping I will not have to sit there and have medicines inserted into my veins to fight my disease. Wish me luck , and pray the treatments will kill the bloody cancers trying to kill me. I call these cells demons. I will not give up.
What I crave is for people to not to feel sorry for me. I feel this way because the cancer has fractured my spine as well as my psyce. All I want is to keep living with goals and dreams. I love life, and I love my family. I am lucky to have friends that help me with everday tasks. Sometimes life is a double edged sword. PEACE
The Art of Peace by Morihei Ueshiba. Translated by John Stevens SHAMBALA, BOULDER 1997.
YOGA 365 Daily Wisdom For Life On and Off The Mat. Susan and Harwood Ruebin. CHRONICAL BOOKS, San Franscico, 1997.
Meditation From The Road, The Road Less Traveled. Daily Reflections From The Road Less Traveled, and the Different Drum. M. Scott Peck, M.D. A TOUCHTONE BOOK. Published by, Simon & Schuster NEW YORK LONDON TORONTO SYDNEY TOYKO SINGAPORE
It happens when your terminal illness leaves you home alone , and unable to drive. Your thoughts become almost like a friend except they do not talk back. Lost in reflection? Is it good or bad? Percentage wise, I reflect on what should I do? Nothing major. How can I take my Grandson Hudson to the Zoo, Beach, and Children museum. I try to leave negative thoughts out of the conversation. I know, on a dreary Friday and I start writing, that it’s a good day. I thank God and the universe for all that is good! PEACE
Defination: recuperate is a verb (used without object)
To recover from sickness or exhaustion; regain health or strength.
A verb (used with object)
To restore to health, vigor, etc.
Radiation side effects are different for most people. For me, the last round of 4 cyberKnife and 10 regular zaps of radiation has been difficult to swing back to normal. I am exhausted and when I stand up an acute sense of Vertigo overcomes me. So, I lye in my bed and rest. After a couple of hours I either fall asleep or try and stand up. What I realize is nerves may be the culprite Nerve pain is not easy to explain. Nerve pain feels like electrical currents that make twitchs and bodily movements on their own. So I rest, and pray the nerves will calm down, and all will return to normal soon.
My way to cope. I have two canes sitting by my bed, and on reserve a wheelchair. The wheelchair and my husbands band has been my entertainment. I sit in my wheelchair and practice wheeling on my deck. It’s fun, and will be useful when I need it. When the band comes over I get to listen to great music. Life is interesting. It is all about how you handle it, and having positive people surrounding you. PEACE
I am participating in a 10,000 word writing challenge, and I am behind. Last week I could not concentrate, and I felt sick. I stayed in bed. So, this is where the challenge comes in. My particular certifiable disability has changed the way my motor skills and brain works.
It is hard to describe how my motor skills and brain has changed since I was diagnosed with lung cancer that metastizeed down the vertebre of my spin, but I wil try. . The cancer literally crushed…fractured 7 verebreas, and recently metastized down my right hip and femer. The nerve damage is significant and causes me alot of pain. I have lost the ability to open my right hand. I type with one finger. Second the nerve damage in my neck has changed the way I can prosses information. It feels like I have both a dominant right lobe and a dominant left lobe. Wierd…I know. so I can only type with one finger on the right hand or one finger on the left hand. When I try to type normally, or in my case two fingers typing in harmony I go crosseyed. I am workng hard to overcome these disabilities. That brings me to the 10,000 word writing challenge.
I still have a few day’s left to complete the challenge before me. The good news is I know writing is not about word count, but the quality of expression. I will never be an Edger Allen Poe. I write because I have too one finger and one brain lobe at a time, Please be kind. Peace!