Changes

Living life with a life threatening disease feels like your engaged in a battle. In my minds eye I can see the enemy. The enemy are round cells that group together like dead grapes. Before I receive the test result with the bad news. I never think about the cells in my body. Never, and than I go about my business.

Lets name the strategies to win the battle necessary to beat the cancer cells into oblivion. Nuke them with RADIATION, remove them with SURGERY, just take a PILL or poison them with CHEMOTHERAPY. To name the most common medical procedures.

My personal favorite way to kill the enemy is PRAYER. Always, and then I go about my business.

It has been a bittersweet week. The best news is the birth of Luke and Willow. Hurray. The bad news is Bob had surgery to remove Cancerous lymph nodes in his face. Janet was hospitalized with PNEUMONIA. Bubba a kind and sweet soul passed away from a massive heart attack. I mourn his loss from the bottom of my heart.

Change happens every day, the consequences we label bad or we label good. After all the bad that happened this week I find it hard to digest bad news I received from my MRI result? I am praying for my friends and family. I guess adding myself to the prayer list is my only recourse because tears do not CHANGE anything.

PEACE

How to relax

How hard is it to relax? It all depends on certain factors? If you are worried about your health, money, relationships, keeping up with the Kardashians. Relaxing can be difficult. Letting go of your problems is a sure way to relax.

This week I have found my relaxing chai. My Mom picked me up, and we drove two hours out of town. We landed at a beach. Thanks to my Aunt we have comfortable accomodations. My cousin met us at the timeshare and gave us permission to “do anything we wanted to do” I found these words sufficient enough to let go of all my worries and RELAX!

I pray everyone can relax! Your body needs it to stay healthy, and so does your emotional health. May the sun and the stars shine on you!

PEACE

Alive

I have not kept up my blog. Excuses…excuses…excuses. I have changed cancer pills, made it through chemo shots in my spine, cyberknife in L 4, PET scan this week . Praying for a summer where I can spend lots of time with my family, especially, my Grandson. Other than that I am determined to finish two novels. My son made a statement that hit home. Mom you have been writing for years and haven’t published anything. I have not even tried to publish my prose. Mostly due to procrastination. I hope everyone that is suffering from cancer peace from pain and isolation. I pray the family and friends of the victimes of disease the energy and passion to include those less fortunate in your lives. Life is about how far your arms can surround the amount of love you show to others. Peace

“Dream Catcher’s”

Life before Cancer made sense. Wake up in the morning, shower, dress, coffee and off to a full day at work. Unless, there was a bump in the road, un-employed and looking for a new job or when a family member was in crisis. Life was an exercise in routine.
I would like to pose a question? What would you prefer, being filthy rich or free from a terminal disease? Of course, it would be preferable to be both filthy rich and free from a terminal disease, but in most cases that is unlikely. Our society values people for what you have.
Money can buy you fantastic medical care, insurance, medication and home health care workers, but it does not buy you a future or independence. Terminal diseases takes away a person right to free will. Instead, bound by doctors, medications, tests and treatments. Being sick means not being able to care for yourself, and it becomes a full-time job.
I pick freedom from terminal cancer. I have lung cancer that metasized to the vertebrae’s and bones of my spine. The cancer has recently hit my circulatory system. Face it, life is short. The disease is painful. I have outbreaks that my doctor has advised me will never go away, yet I have faith in the medical community to keep me alive for many years to come.
When part of a community, when a person get’s cancer it affects everyone. Kindness abounds, and people bring food, and volunteer their precious time to help. I have never felt love from strangers and friends and aquaintces as I have since my diagnosis. I thank god every day. God values people for what they give away.
Having a terminal disease moves people, and is infectious. I call all those who have come through for me, Dream Catchers! Dream Catchers, are people who have an unconditional desire to help those less fortunate. The sick and the downtrodden. God has placed The Dream catcher’s syndrome in the hearts of all people. All it takes is a desire to change the future for someone in need. No matter how small the good deed does not matter, and with good deeds comes good karma.
When you have stage 4 Cancer it is a process to come to terms with the diagnosis. It stops living in its tracks. Like having the wind knocked out of you, the word cancer in relation to one’s self is “bad news”. Everyone reacts different, but what I have experienced the psychologists and counselors have gotten it right. There are five distinct stages a person goes through when given horrible news that leads to an overwhelming feeling of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
The moment the words “You have cancer” was spoken aloud by me doctor. I immediately went into a state of “denial.” “Why me? No way?” The room began to spin and tear drops of self pity dropped from my eye’s. I still had one son who needed a wife, a new grandson I yearned to watch grow up, a younger son and wife who are just starting out, and after two failed marriages, I had found harmony with a man who fits me like a glove. To name only a few of my wishes on a bucket list I had no idea I needed to make sooner than later.
I got mad…angry, and turned to my doctor and told him. “So how are we going to fight this?” I was not going to give in to cancer. I was going to fight it, and now during my Oncologists office visits I am amazed at how many brave cancer patients there are. Is cancer an epidemic?
There are many different types of cancers. Last year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. His doctors recommended keeping him comfortable with no treatment to kill the cancer, and extend his life. My father’s situation was a double-edged sword. He had been suffering for several years with Alzheimer’s, and his quality of life was getting worse every day. Treating his cancer with drugs and radiation treatments, testing, and any form chemotherapy would make him uncomfortable and ill. Instead, my dear father passed away quietly, surrounded by his family, and in his own bed.
While grieving the loss of my Dad, my mind was foggy and I felt like my body had been hit by a fire truck. I had gotten cancer a year before he did. It was not fair, but who said “life was fair?” I look forward to seeing him in heaven, but I still have unfinished business to attend to on Earth. Looking on the bright side of an unfortunate situation, I was blessed to have spent months of time I would not have spent with him because of my cancer. My parents came to my rescue when I was terrible sick. I thank god for that time even though we were brought together due to a horrible disease. It was time I would have been working.
At the beginning of last summer, I tried to bargin with my Oncologist. I yearned for a summer free from cancer. I was getting ready to start a series of radiation treatments. Upper spine traditional radiation treatments, and lower spine, I was lucky to be accepted to receive treatment with the “CyberKnife? This treatment is able to pinpoint the radiation disbursement to a specific spot where the traditional radiation treatment zapped an area of the body. Hitting parts of the body that were not infected with the disease. I asked my Oncologist if I could get both treatments over with at the same time? He agreed, and off I went. In retrospect, I will stick to one treatment at a time, because fighting cancer means to kill cells with poison. I got sick. My idea did not work.
I was also sick of fighting depression, as well as sick of being sick. I found acceptance by letting go of all the feelings of guilt and inadequacy I was feeling. Especially when the cancer cells in my body were active and causing havoc. Terrible headaches and not being able to walk. The radiaton had taken away my taste buds. The medications took away things we take for granted. Words, my mind goes blank. Letting go of trying to control my disease has helped me find acceptance and kill one cancer cell at a time.
I now am able to relax…smile more. Every mirical I receive I say a silent prayer of thanks. With having been given a label “Stage 4 Cancer Victim” my outlook on life has changed. I made it through the levels of psychological healing. Which consisted of highs and lows It has been a long road, but thanks to my Oncologist and all the people who are working in cancer heath care, research and development, and big Pharma I am still here on Earth.

“The Gerson Therapy to fight Cancer”

My disease has possible reached the point, depending on the results of a upcoming spinal tap, where it may be necessary to undergo traditional chemotherapy down my spine.  This type of traditional cancer treatment scares me.  I have no desire to feel sick while killing the cancer cells?

I have ordered a book called the “Gerson Therapies to fight Cancer.” The book is a natural diet plan.  What foods you put into your body can cure cancer.  Heal thy self?  I will check it out and keep you a breast of my findings. At this point I am willing to try unconventional cancer treatments.

I want to stay alive to be with my family, and the friends that have become my family over the years PEACE